|
Gig guide
Reviews
Blog
Tube Map
Videos
Portfolio
Edinburgh
Links
Contact Me
Home
|
Wednesday 28th April 2010, 11:51
Right. My Edinburgh show this year is one with a stupidly large amount of research attached to it, and while I've done a fair amount, I've hit a wall. Which made me so frustrated, that I hit a wall.
So can you help proffer any information on the following...?
Silly neighbourly stereotypes & prejudices from country to country. That's it, simply put. Especially what any African, South American or Asian country thinks of their neighbours. I've done Europe, North America and Australasia (although opinions on these welcome too if you know any). But anyone with insider knowledge of what Sudanese think of Egyptians or Peruvians think of Bolivians, or anywhere else, please email me - paul at paulkerensa.com.
I'm hearing lots of 'x hates y', normally due to a war many years ago that few of us have actually heard of, but the good uns are the little stereotypes that we wouldn't normally know about, eg:
- Austrians think Hungarians are scary drivers in small cars
- Latvians swear by speaking Russian
- The Swiss think Italian men scream for their mothers while having sex
- Swedes say Finns are knife-wielding introverts who sit in saunas all day. Swedes also insist this isn't a stereotype - this is actually true.
Any other contributions? There are a lot of countries on the planet, and I'm finding it very hard to find out what any African nation thinks of their neighbours. No one wants to tell me. Also South America and Asia are proving tricky.
Do tell any unusual prejudices you've picked up on your world travels. paul at paulkerensa.com. Ta much.
And remember: it's not being racist, it's being xenophobic, and in any case, we're all equally rubbish, just in different ways...
Friday 23rd April 2010, 00:39
It was an odd idea - to revisit a play we first performed at school, just because the school was having a birthday, and most of the original cast still lived locally, not to mention that I see them on a weekly basis. It's a very silly comedy - part farce, part murder mystery - that I wrote when I was 17. But I've always enjoyed it and keep coming back to it - this was the 5th production of it with new casts each time. It's been done, independent of me, by Bristol Uni and Edinburgh Uni, and is being put on again this August in the Camden Fringe, again, nothing to do with me.
So it was nice to come back to it with the original actors, many of whom I had in mind when writing the characters. I say 'characters' - more caricatures, some of them, as parts include Dribbles the manservant, Professor Von Spleen, and one character just called Dodgy Bloke. Shakespeare it ain't, but fun it is, and it was tonight.
We've had 5 rehearsals, and the first rehearsal with the complete cast was the dress rehearsal. I'm on stage 4 nights a week doing stand-up, but it's not quite the same as donning a costume, learning some lines, and interacting with others onstage. Much as the temptation was to go totally off-script and improvise around some laughs, you do have to consider other actors, so I think I reined myself in there.
Anyway, one night only, one big laugh. We may put it on again in a year or so at the Yvonne Arnaud in Guildford - if once again we just can't keep away from this blast from the past. It was odd - putting it on in the new auditorium that used to be the gym, where I last set foot to do my A levels. The night before plays, many actors have anxiety dreams about remembering lines or cues - I had a dream instead all about turning up for the right exam.
So tomorrow night, back to normality. ie. A stage, as Paul Kerensa not Paul Young, with no costume, no learned lines, just me and no one else. Much more comfortable.
Friday 26th March 2010, 14:38
Why do I always feel guilted into having breakfast at the crack of just after the crack of dawn, whenever I use a B&B? I check in at 6, some kindly old woman shows me my room and how to use the long-broken shower without scolding my skin, and then she says, “You will have breakfast from 7am till 9am.” Even though a two-hour breakfast was clearly not what she had in mind, I still felt bad this morning when I was woken at 7:10 by the sound of her coughing loudly and jangling keys outside of my room. By 7:20 I walked into the breakfast room to find her patiently (no, impatiently) standing there with a teapot in one hand and the other raised to her face so she can look at her watch.
I know these times suit businessmen, but I’m not a businessman. I didn’t get to sleep till 3am thanks to gig-time then writing-time then a teeny bit of watching-Lost-time. A 7am breakfast is not convenient for me. Given that I’m the only guest, why not treat yourself, dear landlady, and let’s all have a lie-in.
Hotels suit me better. Far less pressure. Over time as we age, our goalposts are narrowed ever so slightly year on year as to what accommodation we’ll put up with and put up cash for. When I began stand-up, I’d stay on friends’ floors. This stopped when one friend put me on the kitchen floor, with my head staring underneath the fridge. I was woken that morning not by a landlady coughing, but by his flatmate reaching over me to bread from the freezer. If the cold blast of air didn’t wake me, the freezer door crashing into my skull did.
So then I’d still stay on sofas. Until you realise that one man’s sofa is another man’s armchair, and you end up with curvature of the spine by morning, plus being forced to watch whatever the last person in the house wants to watch on TV before they go to bed, and whatever the first person in the house wants to watch in the morning. In busy houses, this could only be separated by a few short minutes.
Then there are spare rooms. I still do this, but am choosy. Many promoters offer spare rooms, but not all are worth the gamble. One promoter offered me a spare room, and I took it, not knowing he was a student, and that the spare room would be whichever room wasn’t occupied by his rutting housemates (“There’s always at least one room free if they stay at their girlfriends...”). So that night I had the choice between two rooms – both rank – one with a Student Health Service Guide To Chlamydia by the bed, the other with a Student Health Service Guide To Herpes. It’s rare in life you get a choice like that. So I read both booklets, and chose the one least likely to catch from a duvet. I chose chlamydia.
This B&B’s ok. In trying to save money by going for a B&B, I’ve probably cost myself more as I’ll have to get another hotel tonight rather than push on home, thanks to the very few hours of sleep. But at least on laterooms.com, when comparing B&B facilities, I didn’t click on this one with the thought: yes, I’ll choose chlamydia.
Thursday 18th March 2010, 10:07
...birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
No. The world's googlers do not ask such elementary questions. Their curiosities are piqued by more pressing questions. You can find what pressing questions these are by going to the www.google.co.uk and starting to type 'Why...' or 'Why does...' or 'What...'. See the suggested google searches that others have done. It's worrying.
Here are some of the (apparently) most frequently asked questions by the world's googlers (if you don't believe me, start typing the questions in and watch them fill themselves in before your eyes)...
Why does my dog eat poop?
Where is Chuck Norris?
Who is The Stig? (I think The Stig is Chuck Norris)
Why do I fart so much?
Why does my bellybutton smell? (Because you fart so much.)
Why are men attracted to breasts?
Why are my hands always cold? (A line often used in conjunction with the previous question.)
Why are black people so ugly? (I know. It scares me that the world is asking this questions.)
Why are people racist? (My thoughts exactly.)
Why am I always tired?
Why are Journey back in the charts?
What are piles?
What are Santa's reindeer called?
What are the names of Santa's reindeer in order? (I like this. Clearly the previous question provided the right answer but not in the right order, dammit)
Who are the Kardashian family and why are they famous? (Cos you keep searching for it.)
Where does Cheryl Cole live?
Why aren't I losing weight? (Because you write 'why aren't I' not 'why am I not'. When you pay attention to words you will start to understand what 'calorie count' means.)
How do I delete google history? (Someone's been looking at porn.)
Monday 15th February 2010, 16:29
The all-star cover version has always been a popular choice for charities. Only this month, a new version of We Are The World is being released. Mary J Blige alone has featured in Just Stand Up (against cancer), We Are The World 25 (for Haiti), What's Going On (against Aids)...
So now there's Everybody Hurts for Helping Haiti - a some-star, some-I've-never-heard-of cover verstion. All fundraising is of course admirable, but that doesn't mean that the product is immune from all criticism. So let's look at it.
21 performers. 7 of them involved in some way with The X Factor or Britain's Got Talent (1 judge, 3 winners, 3 runners-up). So that's a third of the singers from Simon Cowell's shows. I'm surprised they didn't find a way to get Louis Walsh singing one of the lines.
It's a good song, although not the beltiest of choices. None of the artists excels in the way that Sonia did with her "Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you!" Classic.
Instead we get the likes of JLS (who are apparently a popular beat combo of the day) rubbing shoulders with I-think-it's-a-man Mika and two of everyone's top 4 (or 5?) members of Westlife, Shane Filan and Mark Feehily. Susan Boyle of course gets a good couple of lines, and looking at the video - and I don't know if anyone's noticed this - have you noticed that she's not exactly a looker? This has not been well documented, I know. I get the impression that SuBo is a bit like the Queen - she milled around the studio, didn't recognise or know any of the other famous people, had never heard of the REM song she was singing, then went home to her vast array of pets.
So you've got to feel for Steve Brookstein. And Shayne Ward and Leon Jackson - all X Factor winners but while Leona, Alexandra and Joe have all gone on to international promotion (if not acclaim), the only stars that Steve, Shayne and Leon are likely to see are on their name-badge if they succeed in 6 months good customer service in McDonalds.
Granted, Leona Lewis has a voice on her. Her cover versions of Run and Stop Crying Your Heart Out are excellent, but it makes you think that her big secret is to just give a soul performance of an indie classic. Can't wait for her gutsy versions of Country House and Sorted For Es & Whizz.
As for the others, Michael Buble stands out for his distinctive voice, and for the fact that while everyone else in the studio was all pop, Mr Buble (one half of the former kids party clown double act, Buble & Squeak) stood all alone in the jazz corner, wishing as he always does that he had a career in the 40s and not now. Not that he wishes he could have sung with the Rat Pack, it's more that he hates the emancipation of women and ethnic minorities. Can't stand 'em.
And James Morrison. He's a lucky boy to be included. Cowell must have had a toss-up between him and calling Steve Brookstein, but Brooky was probably backed up on Happy Meals when Cowell phoned up, so Morrison got the job.
I'm being harsh, but largely because of what I heard James Morrison say when he heard from Cowell. He said that when he saw the devastation of Haiti, he didn't know how to respond. Should he donate money? (Yes...) Or should he do a fundraising gig for Haiti? (Again, that would have been a good idea...) But then the call from Cowell came, and he thought, yes, that's the one for me. (But you could still give money AND put on a fundraising gig too as well as the option that costs you the least time, money and effort, and in fact will serve to boost your career...) James Morrison - what a James Blunt.
That said, it's not a bad song they've produced, and it's a good cause. I just hope Steve Brookstein's thinking the same thing.
|
RSS feed