Sunday 13th September 2009, 13:50
America, pt 3 of 3: Mafia, Bladders & The Amish
- The next day was officially rubbish. Allegeny Forest is great to look at from a distance, but when we drove through the middle of this 100-mile square national park, we realised that you literally can't see the wood for the trees. Best stand well back for the best view. Then when I insisted we visit Youngstown, Ohio, just cos our surname is Young (not Kerensa – do not be fooled), well that was a letdown. Turns out Youngstown is the Mafia capital of the country. Who knew? Well we did, as we drove through and felt like we were driving through a warzone.
- Then came Pittsburgh, and the real reason for our trip - a medical conference which was a joy to behold, sharing stories with other bellybuttonless folks and meeting for the first time other people whose bladders are as wonky as mine. Got to love you, guys. I gave a little speech, which had everyone wetting themselves. Although that could have been the wonky bladders. The queue for the toilets was impressive anyway.
- The host of the conference then took us to our very first baseball game. Woo! After loading up on Pittsburgh Pirates memorabilia, he informed us that even locals don’t do that cos they never win. Except when we're in town, when they thrash the Milwaukee Brewers. In yo face, Milwaukee! In yo brewing face.
- Then we hit the road again, onto Amish Pennsylvania. A fine excursion, and great to see their much simpler, often more attractive way of life. Many on the tour bus couldn't understand how they could live as they did, with horses and carts being their only vehicles. Then our tour bus overheated and we were stuck by the roadside for an hour in the sweltering heat, and the horse and cart idea sounded pretty good after all. A great experience, were it not for the fact that it was my wife's birthday, and being where we were, we struggled to find anywhere to serve us booze. In fact the Smorgasbord Diner we ate dinner at was probably as far from a birthday dinner as Zoe had had in mind. Sorry about that, m'dear. Oh for a Wendy's there. Ironically the village was called Bird-In-Hand. Maybe we should have waited to dine at Two-in-the-Bush.
- Our last day saw us take in some unusual placenames. We visited Intercourse, PA. We didn't make it to Climax, PA (it was a bit far and I was tired). Also we narrowly avoided Panic, PA and Hooker, PA. Another time, when we’ve got the money.
- Finally we ended up in Washington DC, with a whistlestop tour of the famous sights. Delighted to see that since I was there last a mere 10 months ago, they've removed Abe Lincoln's 'No Sitting' sign, probably after I satirically posted it online, citing the irony that he's sitting. Do you see? He's sitting, and yet it says 'No Sitting'. Well not any more. Kerensa causes sign-changes with his satire. Zing! Outta the park. Okay, too much baseball for me...