Thursday 18th March 2010, 10:07
...birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
No. The world's googlers do not ask such elementary questions. Their curiosities are piqued by more pressing questions. You can find what pressing questions these are by going to the www.google.co.uk and starting to type 'Why...' or 'Why does...' or 'What...'. See the suggested google searches that others have done. It's worrying.
Here are some of the (apparently) most frequently asked questions by the world's googlers (if you don't believe me, start typing the questions in and watch them fill themselves in before your eyes)...
Why does my dog eat poop?
Where is Chuck Norris?
Who is The Stig? (I think The Stig is Chuck Norris)
Why do I fart so much?
Why does my bellybutton smell? (Because you fart so much.)
Why are men attracted to breasts?
Why are my hands always cold? (A line often used in conjunction with the previous question.)
Why are black people so ugly? (I know. It scares me that the world is asking this questions.)
Why are people racist? (My thoughts exactly.)
Why am I always tired?
Why are Journey back in the charts?
What are piles?
What are Santa's reindeer called?
What are the names of Santa's reindeer in order? (I like this. Clearly the previous question provided the right answer but not in the right order, dammit)
Who are the Kardashian family and why are they famous? (Cos you keep searching for it.)
Where does Cheryl Cole live?
Why aren't I losing weight? (Because you write 'why aren't I' not 'why am I not'. When you pay attention to words you will start to understand what 'calorie count' means.)
How do I delete google history? (Someone's been looking at porn.)