Thursday 9th April 2009, 15:07

"Have you been to a Harvester before?"

Am writing this in a Harvester, one of my favourite places in the world. Yeah, it's fake fake Tudor, and a once-mighty chain that seems to dwindle every time I go there, but you know what you're going to get when you go there. An eat-as-much-as-you-like salad cart. This is a genius invention of modern restauranteering, for this reason: You convince yourself you're being healthy, while at the same time stuffing your face full of pasta, potato, bacon bits, blue cheese sauce, bread rolls, and other foodstuffs pretending to be salad. It's also cheap, cheerful (alright, cheap), and you can always guarantee a table, and an ambivalent welcome.

An ambivalent welcome is actually what I want when stopping off on the road, cos I want to be able to get my laptop out and get some work done without being sat in a crowded bar where a local ruffian may either spill his drink on my 'puter or nick it. I want bland. Yet in a mock mock tudor setting. Thank you, Harvester.

Incidentally, may I use this blog to say I've had a bunch of gigs cancel over the next week, all for different reasons (I'm only glad that none have cancelled cos of (a) recession or (b) they've seen my name and reconsidered). These reasons stretch from flooded venues to double-bookings to a venue scared that local hoodies will siege the venue if they put on a comedy night (glad to know me and my laptop aren't the only ones to fear the local ruffian).

The upshot is I have a week of very little work, and a honeymoon in 10 days' time where I'd love some spending money. So: promoters, bookers, acts-who-may-have-to-cancel-your-attendance-at-a-gig... Anyone got a gig going? My availability is:

Thu 9th

Sun 12th

Mon 13th

Tue 14th

Thu 16th

All offers welcome.

Thanks, blog-reader. Or hey, if you don't run a gig but are rich, why not pay me to come to your house and speak words at just you? Chuck in a meal at Harvester and I'm sold.

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